Unmotivated

Gah...I hate this.

Returning to work after a fun-filled, semi-relaxing, four-day holiday weekend is absolutely the pits. I'm so, very unmotivated that I've actually resorted to determining how much work I might actually get around to accomplishing today. So far here is what I've accomplished:

• 4:43 am: Woke to the sound of Kelsey jingling her keys as she was preparing to leave for work
• 4:47 am: Took Doogan out before he drove me mad jumping around the kitchen
• 4:55 am: Made coffee; fed Doogan (not necessarily in that order)
• 5:10 am: Checked email, played, logged off at 6:00am
• 6:02 am: Got in the shower
• 6:14 am: Missed a call from Kelsey (grrr)
• 6:31 am: Left for work
• 6:58 am: Arrived at work
• 7:05 am: Successfully hooked up my laptop and started it up
• 7:15 am: Started working on the Examiner project (coding, debugging...*sigh*)
• 8:15 am: Determine that brain hurts, got more coffee; checked email; checked Fark & Digg for news updates
• 8:38 am: Start chatting with Darth Buttercup (aka Ben, my buddy)
• 9:00 am: Other people arrive at work
• 10:00 am: Check the clock to see how soon lunch is
• 10:49 am: Start blogging...

So, in a nutshell that's what I've done so far today. Not much to look at, really. But...here I am anyway -- Mr. Unmotivated. Thinking of what I'll do this afternoon. Sheesh.

Come on Turkey Day!

This is the first Thanksgiving I've actually been looking forward too in a long time. Why you ask? (hmmm...I just realized I almost always start my blog by asking myself a rhetorical question. Or am I asking my audience the rhetorical question? hmmm...*insert sound of head tapping*) Well, this is the first Thanksgiving that I can recall where I'm actually staying home and just relaxing -- for the most part. And boy do I need it! So does Kelsey for that matter.

Jennifer, one of the gals that Kels works with at Pier 1, and her family have graciously invited us to "sup" with them on Thanksgiving Day, which is most excellent and I'm really looking forward to seeing how other families celebrate the day. One thing I will certainly miss is my kiddos on this Turkey Day, as they are in Chicago with their mother visiting her family. But, I'll call them and gobble through the phone Turkey Day morning...

I have Thursday and Friday off. Kelsey, however, has to work on Friday, so I'll likely take the opportunity to do some Day-After-Thanksgiving, pre-Christmas, get-ready-for-the-mad-rush, oh-what-a-discount shopping on Friday. I have shopping to do for the kiddos, Kels, friends and family...so I'll have plenty to do. BUT --ultimately, I'm going to try to slow down and enjoy the free time as much as I can. No hockey, no rehearsals, no work requirements...just me, Kels, Doogan and the looming holiday season. Do I smell pumpkin pie & cinnamon?

Happy Holidays to all...have a super Turkey Day!

Only the good die young

Well, I thought I had misheard it this morning on my way in to work as I tuned into 90.1 KERA the public radio station here in Dallas/Ft. Worth, and the mention was so brief between the regular programming that it just passed in one ear and out the other. The sad truth is that Glenn Mitchell, host of the Glenn Mitchell Show, passed away in his sleep last night.

This is particularly sad for the public radio community here in Dallas, as Glenn was a huge part of the everyday operations of the station and I personally loved his show -- in which he combined current affairs with the obscure, sports with science and the whole gamut of things that I love to read about. I for one, despite only listening to him for a little over a year, am going to miss his quick wit and veritable knowledge about everything.

The official "memorial page" on the KERA website states the following:

Glenn Mitchell, host of KERA 90.1's "The Glenn Mitchell Show," and one of the region's best known radio personalities, died early Sunday morning at his Dallas home. Mitchell was 55.

The cause of Mitchell's death has not yet been determined. He had a history of heart-related issues and had undergone a heart bypass operation.

"We are shocked and saddened at the news of Glenn's passing," said Jeff Luchsinger, VP and Station Manager for KERA 90.1. "Glenn was a daily companion for so many in our community. He had a curious mind, a rare talent and was deeply committed to his work. We will miss him."

Rest easy Glenn...

Digg-ing the net

So today, on Wired News there was an article about Digg -- a news feeder site compiled by it's readers with particular dedication to information of the technological nature -- that is one month old today. The site is very much like Slashdot, and there are even sites comparing the two -- like DiggvsDot. Despite the hubbub, I've registered at Digg in order to try and keep on top of the lastest and greatest in the "tech" world. So far, I find that Digg is better suited to "cross-blogging" and "linking" to blogs which should make it interesting if I ever hook something into the Privvy.

Critics also say Digg is more chaotic than Slashdot, which often features more technical, detailed conversations. But Digg, with its tight weblog integration and Flickr-like reliance on the collective efforts of its members, is pointing the way to a new wave of socially assembled news initiatives, organized and made sense of by readers themselves.

I'd have to agree...

All in good time...

Each and every day I wake up and breathe I'm amazed and reminded of the fact that there is a God.

Recently, life has been an uphill battle on the financial front. A lot of money goes to my ex-wife and children to help support them following the divorce. My kids are guaranteed (by the laws of Illinois) the largest chunk of my earnings. This I don't qualm at, I completely accept and agree with it. My children are worth more than that, ultimately. But this helps my ex pay for her house, clothes, groceries and the essentials that they need. In addition, I pay what is called "unspecified maintenance" -- penance for her quitting her job as a teacher so that she could be a stay-at-home mom. So, I'm left with just enough to pay the bills...and they continue to pile up.

Yesterday something good happened (other than the interview). Just when I was at my wit's end about money. You see, recently I've been urged by Kelsey and my pastor to "give to God first" and I have. And despite the pain that I felt the first couple of times -- He has blessed me. Yesterday was no exception. I hadn't checked the mailbox in a couple of days, so it was probably there on Monday, I just didn't realize it -- a check, containing the "cash out" of one of my older 401(k) plans . Enough to help pay down debt, have a comfortable holiday season and do a couple of things that I've been wanting to for a while. But who gets first dibs? Yup...Him.

Coincidentally, today's Google Quote of the Day is:

"Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough." - George Bernard Shaw

While George is certainly right, I'd like to put it in a different, more supernatural way: "Everything [good] happens to everybody sooner or later if [they're willing to trust in His timing]." As the prophet Nahum wrote -- "The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him..." (Nahum 1:7). I'm trusting, I'm hoping, I'm striving to be better, do good works and put Him first and he is providing me refuge of every kind. Today is going to be better than yesterday...

Falls & Springs

Has the everlasting summer of Texas finally given way to fall and winter in the same week? The last couple of weeks it has still been hot -- in the upper 80s and even the 90s -- and for the first time I'm actually pining for fall & winter-like weather. In the mornings I have to put on a coat as I head to work. I dare not wear the coat home after work, lest I melt when I get in my "sun-baked" car.

This morning, however, it actually felt like fall. It was cool. The air was damp. As I walked out the door to head to work, it started to rain. While it was a frustrating commute (because people seem to forget how to drive when it rains), it was pleasant -- in a way. I got out of my car and smelled the rain. I was actually cool, but it was a good, damp cool feeling, like fall or winter should be.

The rain reminded me of the downpour that came the day my family and I buried my mom in April 2004. It was a morning like this, damp, cool, kind of dreary with a hint of hope. Her birthday is today, she would have been 55. She's on my mind every day. I can't help wondering how much different I might feel about today if she were still with us. If I could call her and tell her how much I love her and can't wait to see her again. Happy birthday Mom, I miss you.

"Be strong and take heart, you who hope in the Lord." (Psalm 31:24).

Fall back, spring ahead...

What happened to my weekend?

Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it. - Ellen Goodman

Ain't that the truth? Daily, we rise, dress and go off to work leaving behind the place we love the most -- home. For what? To pay for everything that we don't get to enjoy while we're at the place we have to be in order to afford the stuff that we don't get to use. Vicious cycle -- absolutely. I wish that I still enjoyed weekends like I did when I was a kid. Nowadays, I yearn for the weekend only to watch it blow by with little to show for it, other than a tired mind & body. This weekend was no exception.

Kelsey worked on Saturday, right in the middle of the day, so that put a crimp in the time that we got to spend with one another. We worked on cleaning up the mounds of paperwork that have accumulated over the last year and we did, sorting it into piles and filing what we needed to. I played in the afternoon and when she got home from work we headed north to Frisco for a visit to IKEA. We were starving, so we went to a little Italian place called Luigi's. Just as our food arrived at the table, a man came in looking for the owner of a Mazda 6. He was looking for me. Apparently, I hadn't put the car in gear the wind, which was gusting pretty powerfully, pushed my car into the fender of a brand new Tahoe. The damage was minimal, but the lady was shaken and to make matters worse, when we returned to our table inside the restaurant -- it was clear. Our entire meal, untouched, uneaten -- was gone! I was more-than-perturbed, but pride wouldn't let me break into a tyrade.

Sunday, which has become my "day of peace" couldn't have come sooner. Kelsey had an early morning meeting, and then we went to church. As always, the message was exactly what I needed to hear -- about authority, obedience, submission and preparing for was God wants us to hear. This Sunday was also @Home groups, so in the evening we trekked north through 45 minutes of traffic to Prosper, where our group meets. We were late, but we still got a lot from the fellowship.

We headed home, I put Kels to bed (she had to work at 5am this morning) and then headed off to my hockey game at 10:30pm. We won, I scored and had an assist in an 8-0 routing of the Vikings. We're still undefeated...but I'm bushed.

In the early morning quiet...

Most every morning, including weekends, I wake between 4:30 and 5am. Crazy? Perhaps...but I don't always do it on my own. Doogan, our Jack Russell has a lot to do with stirring me from my slumber. He must be on a timer, because like clockwork he's standing there, head cocked to the side, waiting by the bed. We go out, I grumble at him for taking so long to make a decision about where to go, and then we're headed back in for breakfast.

I really have come to cherish my "early morning quiet". Usually, it's a chance for me to play World of Warcraft and get a good solid hour or so in before I have to get ready for work. This morning I played, because I'm pushing towards level 60 -- the pinnacle of the game (until the Expansion in 2006). It really is amazing how much you can accomplish in the morning without the distraction of others...

It can also be a chance to just sit and think. Some mornings I think about what it would be like to have my kids with me like before the divorce. Hayden would come down the stairs in the morning, bleary-eyed and smile as soon as he saw me. He'd sit in my lap as I played on the computer, checked my email or whatever it was I was doing before work. Baylie would still be in bed, snuggled up with her "Lamby" in a contorted position that made you wonder if she was really comfortable. Sometimes, when I sit there in the morning I wish that it wasn't so quiet. I wish that the still wasn't so still. I wish that I had them with me...

So, I go on, get ready and then head off to work just as the light of morning is breaking. The drive is time to have more quiet time. But in this time I usually just tell God what's on my mind, what's bugging me today and ask for his help. That part of my morning has changed a lot recently and like David, I'm spending time with Him --

"In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation." (Psalm 5:3)

"But I cry to you for help, O Lord; in the morning my prayer comes before you." (Psalm 88:13)

“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.” (Psalm 143:8).

It's encouraging to think that He knows what I'm already thinking about and that He's listening...

Darn it!

I went and did it again...cuff me for neglecting my blog. After a while, you just sorta get busy and forget you even have one. Alas, here I am writing about my current excuse for not writing here -- a "Catch 22" I suppose. So why haven't I been bloggin'?

Excuse#1: Busy at work. Yes, this is currently my major reason for not writing here. With the gambit of projects I've been working on -- from new development to support to application enhancements -- I've been busy. One good thing that has come out of work recently is my switch to the "early coverage" shift at work. I get in at 7am and go home about 4pm. This makes for a relatively pleasant commute to-and-fro. In addition to my "real" work, I've been working on a revamp of the Springfield YMCA website (Springfield Missouri) as well as new websites for Faux Aesthete (Kelsey's side project) and the Plano Ice Dogs...

Excuse #2: Busy at Life. Yes, apart from work I have a bit of a life. This includes spending time with Kelsey, playing my games (currently World of Warcraft) and doing normal "life-like" things. Lumped in with this "life" category, I performed in Smoke on the Mountain (playing the role of Dennis Sanders) back in October. I was then recruited to play Dennis in the sequel Sanders' Family Christmas, set a few years later around Christmastime. We have a mess of shows in mid-December at the Plano Courtyard Theatre too! I'm really having a good time with the show, the cast and overall with getting back into musical theatre. It's been a while! Plus I totally dig the bluegrass music...

Excuse #3: Busy at Hockey. Yup, I'm still playing despite the fact that my knees hurt, my shoulders ache and I get more and more beat up every time I play. I love the sport and I can't give up, yet. I'm currently playing on two teams -- goaltending for the Angry Pirates (I-League SSHL) and skating at center for the Plano Ice Dogs (D-league SSHL). The Ice Dogs finished 1st in the regular season (last session) but we lost in the finals to the Skateful Dead. So far this year we're 3-0-1, undefeated and looking good for the rest of the fall/winter session.

Excuse #4: Busy at Church. This is a great thing for me. After everything that happened in my life last year, I was a bit perturbed with God. To be matter-of-fact, I was mad at Him and I fell as far away from Him as I could. But God is persistent and found me via Kelsey and the dog park in Plano. She met a lady there who invited us to Celebration Covenant Church in Frisco. We started going nearly 8 weeks ago and haven't stopped yet. I'm on the Web team there (for the church's website --yes it is being reworked as we speak) and Kels and I are happily involved in the @Home groups. I've not felt this good about my relationship with Him in a long time and that, in turn, is fixing things in my earthly relationships too.

So...are those good reasons? Heck no! I need to blog...